It's been a while since I updated this blog. Here is a recent video taken of Dad. He seems to think he had two wives. This was taken earlier this month when Steph & Jocie were visiting.

Mom Graduated

Obituary

Connie A. Fernandez was born on January 20, 1924 to

Luis Andam and Elidia Yabo in Waipahu, Hawaii.

Connie worked for Hawaiian Airlines when she was young.

She loved to play the piano and sing. She loved to bowl.
She loved to crochet. She gave her heart to Jesus Christ in 1985.

Connie Fernandez departed this life on August 8, 2012.

She leaves to cherish her memory her husband of 62 years,

Steven J. Fernandez; five children, Gordon C Fernandez,

Stephanie A. Davis, Thomas M Fernandez,

Jocelyn R. Suga and Kevin C Fernandez.

She and Steven have seventeen grandchildren,

seventeen great-grandchildren and one great-great-grandchild.

They're Together Again!

 

Well, all's well at the homefront. I could go into quite a bit of detail, but long story short, we successfully placed Dad @ the nursing home.

The night before we had our pre-admit meeting didn't go so well though.

I received a call from the care home saying that she wanted to go home. She tried to escape through the elevator, the stairwell, and even the lanai. 

The day we had our pre-admit meeting, the social worker suggested that we needed to prepare Ma about it, since she wanted so desperately to leave. 

I must say, they are professionals and they know how to communicate! 

Ma was elated at the fact that Dad was moving in. He moved in the following day, and I've been calling the care home every day to make sure everyone was doing well. They assured me that there have been

"no incidents or problems to report!"

I think that this chapter has come to a close. 

I'll keep this blog open to post progress and post photos. Yay! Can you hear the sigh of relief? It is Q-U-I-E-T at our house!

Long time no write

It's been a long time since I posted on this blog, but I guess there's been a lot going on! Travel, holidays, etc. got in my way. lol. Anyway, Ma has been at the nursing home for 6 months now. It's been a long haul and I feel we all can breathe a little now. Dad's in daycare Monday through Saturday and it's been a Godsend. At least we have our lives back a little. Thanks, K, for taking him on Monday evenings. It sure means a lot!

Dad gets to Ma twice a week now. We take him on Sundays and Kevin takes him on Wednesdays. It's doable. She's doing a LOT better. They have her heart condition (congestive heart disease) under control with medicine that takes out the extra fluids. She's happy, she's "normal." Of course it's because her blood sugar is under control and a big factor is the neurontin. It really helps her with her behavior, and that has been her problem from day one.

We reduced Dad's risperidone to 1/2 a tab twice a day. He just seemed so tired and sleepy, it wasn't good. I have also asked the geriatrics dr. if he could put Dad on neurontin as well, since it did such a good job with Ma. He said we could try it. So we shall see. His next geriatric visit is in April.

Mom's Having Chest Pains

These last few weeks have been exhausting to say the least. Even though Mom is in a nursing home now, Dad is constantly worrying about Mom and threatening to walk up to Kula Hospital. The daycare has been a lot of help to us as he is in there Monday-Saturday now. The weekends are especially hard since all he does is ask when we're going to see her.

Not only that, but Mom has been complaining about chest pains. No doubt she is experiencing some kind of heart failure. She's been telling us that she's "dying and her heart is turning all black." She says she's too old for surgery, so there's nothing they can do. Of course this really upsets Dad and he starts crying. I don't think she is trying to be mean or anything, she's just trying to let him know that she's not going to be around long. On Thursday it was Dad's birthday and we took Dad up to see Mom.

When I asked the nurse about that the next day, she said she didn't know if she is hallucinating (her vitals have been stable). But it could be her interpretation of what she feels is going on with her heart.  

Today we talked to the doctor and she said she is definitely experiencing some kind of chest pains. Her EKG is changed. They've bumped up her nitropatch, O2 and water pills. They are drawing blood every 8 hours to see if there is any damage to her heart muscle. They won't get the results until tomorrow. After she got her nitropatch, she felt better.

I see Light at the end of ths tunnel

Well, it seems like there are more and more days that have no entries. I know part of it is that we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel and possibly also that everything seems to have become one big blur.

Dad continues to ask about Mom. We try to redirect him but some days it's just not that easy. I am just waiting to see how long this adjustment will take. I've heard that it takes a good month for people with Alzheimer's to adjust to a new situation or environment.

All I know is that having Ma placed in a nursing home and having Dad in daycare has been like a breath of fresh air. I feel that we can breathe a bit more now. I am sure in time, this too shall pass. On the weekends we try to take Dad out for leisurely drives. I think it does him good. We take him out to lunch or just go for a cruise. The hard part is anticipating his next (same old) question, "When are we going to see Ma? It's been a couple of days since I've seen her!" In reality that couple of days is really 17 days since we first took her in to see the doctor.

All in all, it's been a rough road, but then again, I believe DH and I have grown a lot, learned a lot and got closer to each other. The hardest part is not getting in the way (line of fire) and becoming part of the problem and not the solution. It's been humbling to realize our own impatience, intolerance and shortcomings. Ahui ho. Till next time. 

Transition

Monday, the 30th. We had had a nice weekend and everything seemed to go fine. About 2:30 we got a phone call from the Daycare. They told me that Dad was rattling the fence, reciting his marriage vows and telling everyone that he was going to climb the fence and walk to the hospital to see his wife! After determining that he needed to get his meds adjusted, "K" picked him up and we scheduled an appointment with the doctor.

Today was also the day that Ma was being transferred to the nursing home. We didn't get home till way after 8 from the clinic, and soon Dad was fast asleep with his new meds.

Today (Tuesday), the nurse at the Daycare decided to track him minute by minute, to prevent a repeat of yesterday's episode. Today he did fine. I called several times during the day, ready to dash downtown with some extra medication, should he need it.

I had a meeting with someone from the local Alzheimer's Association. It was very informative, and realized we had a lot to learn of this awful disease. I found out a few things: Never say No. Don't argue. Redirect.

A bit later I decided to call the nursing home to check on Ma to make sure she was doing OK. The nurse on duty informed me that she was very "sweet, very nice, and that she was watching TV in the Activity Room." Everyone seemed to be settling in to their new routines. No sooner had I thought that, when I received a phone call from a nurse at the nursing home. She told me that Ma requested to speak with "K." So I called him and gave him the number.

Later on he explained to me that they were trying to get a reaction out of her to see how she would respond by talking to one of the family members. The minute she got him on the phone, she began to whine for Dad and that she wanted to see him, etc. etc. Finally the nurse got back on the phone and explained this to K. She was "under no circumstances" see OR talk to Dad on the phone until they deemed she was ready. This may just be the hardest transition for both of them. But, I am confident, that after a few weeks or so, things will settle down. Let's hope so.