Sunday, August 15, 2010

Up & Down, like a Merry-Go-Round

I know it's been a few days that I have skipped, but let me tell you, life's been up and down again. Thursday, (Aug 12), I took her to the interview like she wanted. It went pretty sketchy. She didn't have any of the application done, and the lady just patiently asked her for all the information as she filled it out for her. My BIL had picked Dad up because the day before she decided that "they couldn't live together."

Well, she insisted that he be there. So, he got dropped off and I went to do some errands (picked up the police reports and left copies of them at the Dr.'s office). All the way home the conversation was all about what they needed to buy and need for the apartment. So, it was on again (the apartment, that is).

Inside I was still angry at her. She asked me if I was going to give them good references. I paused. "I'm going to tell the truth," I said, and left it at that. She then asked if I was happy for them. I wasn't. I was angry. This entire thing was getting overwhelming. I remember staring at my computer that night, feeling like I was going to break inside. I just wanted to cry. But then I remembered that I had a choice to make. I had to pick myself up by the bootstraps and say NO to all those feelings. I chose to NOT partner with anger, frustration, offense, etc. That was the best thing I did all day.

The following day, Friday, my FIL called me inside and said that Ma had a hard time breathing. So I propped her up with several pillows. She has not been eating very much. In fact, she is hardly eating anything at all. That evening I made dinner and she said she already ate dinner. I don't know what she could have eaten. It's been like this now for the last 3 or 4 days. I am also wondering if she is even taking her medicine. She is starting to forget a lot and repeat herself just like Dad. Several times she asked the same question and I even told her that "this is the THIRD time I'm telling you blah, blah, blah."

Well today is Saturday and she had another meltdown. She couldn't breathe. We propped her up on the bed and told her that it was because of the way she has been living: no exercise. All she did was watch TV and call Dad to get her her things. She then started complaining about Dad. She wanted DH to call her daughter and she wanted to go back "home" to Ewa Beach. So, DH left a message on J's phone, he prayed with Ma. He called his brother (K) and he prayed with her too.  He then put Dad on the phone so he could hear it from him WHY he couldn't live with him.

Then Ma lost her bag and started blaming everyone. DH found it under the bed and she felt really bad and started breaking down. She started saying it was because of him and her dementia, the pressures of life. She was losing it. That was the first time she admitted that she had dementia and that she was losing it. After calming her down with the hope of getting her her "fantasy dream," she was all-rght and then there was peace.

I did hear from her PCP (Primary Care Physician). I've been keeping him up to date on what's been happening with her. All he said was "management is going to be an increasingly difficult issue. I would suggest expediting long-term care if possible."

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