Mom's Having Chest Pains

These last few weeks have been exhausting to say the least. Even though Mom is in a nursing home now, Dad is constantly worrying about Mom and threatening to walk up to Kula Hospital. The daycare has been a lot of help to us as he is in there Monday-Saturday now. The weekends are especially hard since all he does is ask when we're going to see her.

Not only that, but Mom has been complaining about chest pains. No doubt she is experiencing some kind of heart failure. She's been telling us that she's "dying and her heart is turning all black." She says she's too old for surgery, so there's nothing they can do. Of course this really upsets Dad and he starts crying. I don't think she is trying to be mean or anything, she's just trying to let him know that she's not going to be around long. On Thursday it was Dad's birthday and we took Dad up to see Mom.

When I asked the nurse about that the next day, she said she didn't know if she is hallucinating (her vitals have been stable). But it could be her interpretation of what she feels is going on with her heart.  

Today we talked to the doctor and she said she is definitely experiencing some kind of chest pains. Her EKG is changed. They've bumped up her nitropatch, O2 and water pills. They are drawing blood every 8 hours to see if there is any damage to her heart muscle. They won't get the results until tomorrow. After she got her nitropatch, she felt better.

I see Light at the end of ths tunnel

Well, it seems like there are more and more days that have no entries. I know part of it is that we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel and possibly also that everything seems to have become one big blur.

Dad continues to ask about Mom. We try to redirect him but some days it's just not that easy. I am just waiting to see how long this adjustment will take. I've heard that it takes a good month for people with Alzheimer's to adjust to a new situation or environment.

All I know is that having Ma placed in a nursing home and having Dad in daycare has been like a breath of fresh air. I feel that we can breathe a bit more now. I am sure in time, this too shall pass. On the weekends we try to take Dad out for leisurely drives. I think it does him good. We take him out to lunch or just go for a cruise. The hard part is anticipating his next (same old) question, "When are we going to see Ma? It's been a couple of days since I've seen her!" In reality that couple of days is really 17 days since we first took her in to see the doctor.

All in all, it's been a rough road, but then again, I believe DH and I have grown a lot, learned a lot and got closer to each other. The hardest part is not getting in the way (line of fire) and becoming part of the problem and not the solution. It's been humbling to realize our own impatience, intolerance and shortcomings. Ahui ho. Till next time. 

Transition

Monday, the 30th. We had had a nice weekend and everything seemed to go fine. About 2:30 we got a phone call from the Daycare. They told me that Dad was rattling the fence, reciting his marriage vows and telling everyone that he was going to climb the fence and walk to the hospital to see his wife! After determining that he needed to get his meds adjusted, "K" picked him up and we scheduled an appointment with the doctor.

Today was also the day that Ma was being transferred to the nursing home. We didn't get home till way after 8 from the clinic, and soon Dad was fast asleep with his new meds.

Today (Tuesday), the nurse at the Daycare decided to track him minute by minute, to prevent a repeat of yesterday's episode. Today he did fine. I called several times during the day, ready to dash downtown with some extra medication, should he need it.

I had a meeting with someone from the local Alzheimer's Association. It was very informative, and realized we had a lot to learn of this awful disease. I found out a few things: Never say No. Don't argue. Redirect.

A bit later I decided to call the nursing home to check on Ma to make sure she was doing OK. The nurse on duty informed me that she was very "sweet, very nice, and that she was watching TV in the Activity Room." Everyone seemed to be settling in to their new routines. No sooner had I thought that, when I received a phone call from a nurse at the nursing home. She told me that Ma requested to speak with "K." So I called him and gave him the number.

Later on he explained to me that they were trying to get a reaction out of her to see how she would respond by talking to one of the family members. The minute she got him on the phone, she began to whine for Dad and that she wanted to see him, etc. etc. Finally the nurse got back on the phone and explained this to K. She was "under no circumstances" see OR talk to Dad on the phone until they deemed she was ready. This may just be the hardest transition for both of them. But, I am confident, that after a few weeks or so, things will settle down. Let's hope so.

 

Catching Up... almost there!

It's been a while since I've blogged. In fact, I  haven't blogged once this past week. A lot of things have happened, and rather than going into each even into detail, I'll just summerize things.

Monday, 8/23: These were difficult days because Dad kept getting dressed and threatening to "walk" to the hospital. I was by myself and I had a difficult time redirecting him once he's made up his mind. Tuesday was a bit better a DH and his brother decided to play "daycare" and took Dad with them to the shop. That didn't work out too well. I had to go to Medicaid and drop off some documents for both Dad and Ma.

That afternoon both me and Dad had a doctor's appointment. Dad was getting very impatient having to wait at the clinic. The nurses even had to find me in one of the examining rooms because he was looking for me. All the while he keeps asking for Ma, wondering when he's going to talk to her, when we're going to visit. Later that day we found out that Ma got approved for Medicaid effective August 19th. Yay!

Wednesday, we decided to take him to the adult day care center. What a difference that made! At least we were all able to take a breather and get some things done. I applied for Kupuna Elder Care which provides free Daycare scholarsips and we were able to get 2 full days of Daycare free. All we need to come up with is 3 days a week.

Thursday K and I had to go to Maui Memorial to see the discharge nurse. We had to sign papers notifying us that there was a change in her health and that her normal medical insurance would not cover her stay in the hospital. That's OK, medicaid said they would cover. In the meantime, Kula had made a bed offer for Ma and she would be moved the following Monday. So far so good.

I want to take this time to thank all of the siblings and their kids for taking the time to call my FIL and keep him "entertained," while we worked on the details and met with social workers at the various hospitals. I will keep you posted.

Dad has an Episode

We heard from the cardiologist today. She said that "she thinks that whatever we've been waiting for is going to come through and that she will be placed directly from the hospital."

We were elated! But today posed a new set of challenges as we actually allowed Dad to call Ma in the hospital. He had been bugging us all weekend to let him talk to her. So we thought, just let him talk to her. We actually videotaped it. At first he didn't want to talk to her and even told us to tell her he was sleeping. They finally got to talk and we thought it went fine. We thought, that went well, so, next time, why don't we just let HIM call the hospital himself?

Well, time went by and once more he said he wanted to call her again. In fact, DH showed him the video of him talking to her and Dad insisted that that was not today. I was upstairs resting when I heard them raise their voices. I quickly came down and saw him all dressed up with shoes on, ready to walk downtown. I dialed the number and he called her for a second time and this time it seemed like she was barking out orders at him. She had him look for things for her and he ended up trying to find whatever items she was telling him to find.

I told DH, "I don't think I'll be able to handle him by myself. I think "K" should take him to daycare in the morning." My SIL in Oahu called just in time and was able to talk to him and calm him down. A little later he had a nice surprise visit from his son and that went well.

He then wanted to call the hospital again. This time I wrote the number down on a sticky note and told him to call and ask to be connected to her room. He did that and they were talking for a while. Everything went well until he found out that she had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner. He asked to speak to one of the nurses and spent a LONG time talking to them and demanding that they give hre a healthy dinner. I felt so embarrassed for him! But I am sure the nurses understood that he has dementia so they just patiently listened. This is not a good idea, I thought. What if he does this at the nursing home? I know they are not going to stand for that. So I took the sticky note out of his journal and decided that we need to monitor the calls.

One thing we had asked the hospital to do was to get a psych eval done. But when the Dr. returned my call later in the evening, she told me that that may jeopardize her placement into the home. They will tolerate dementia, but psychological and behavioral problems was another issue. We both agreed. We shall see what happens tomorrow.

Breathrough

At first, today consisted of a constant barrage of questions from Dad, even though we had explained everything to him the day before, showing him the letter we wrote and the note Ma had written.
"Is there any chance we're going to visit her today?"
"Have any of the siblings called her?"
"Can I call her?"
After a while DH got to the point where he already knew what he was going to say, so he just jumped ahead of him and mentioned what was going on. He seemed to take it easier that way.

I dialed his sister's number and he talked to her for a while. That was a good break. I asked him questions about his brothers and that seemed to take his mind off of things and calm him down.

I heard from the Dr who told me that it was really up to us whether we wanted to continue the Namenda & Aricept treatment or not. It costs $492 a month and the Dr said "Neither drug prevents progression of dementia. At best you get a one time increase in function level, then a continued decline. The decline in function rate is unchanged." I really think he needs to continue the Citalopram but I think the money is better spent in providing him daycare. So far "S" think we should continue him on the Namenda.

On another note, I wrote Mom's PCP and requested a psych eval for Ma while she was still in the hospital. 

We had a nice break in the evening because Dad went to church with "K." DH had tried to call the hospital twice but Ma did not answer the phone. So we talked to the nurse that was taking care of her. She was fine, watching TV.

Shortly after that we received a phone call from her. DH talked to her for a while and she seemed fine. It was clear to see that when she worked herself up, she would have a hard time breathing because of the fluid in her lungs. She knows that they are getting a "place" ready for her. How much of it she knows we don't know. They could very well just telling her that so that she has something to look forward to. At the end of the conversation came the best part. She was getting short of breath and had a hard time talking. The last thing she said was, "Just take care of Dad, okay?"
That was good. Yeah, God!

Alone with Dad

When we first woke up, DH decided we should write a letter to Dad to let him know what's happening to Mom. We had found a note she wrote entitled "Why We Need to Separate." She outlined that she can no longer live with him. So DH sat down with him, gave him the letter we wrote and attached a xerox copy of her note to tell him that she wanted to separate from him. He then talked to him and answered any questions he had about it. It went very well. Not sure if that was the right thing to do because he keeps asking about going to see Mom. We then show him the letter to "refresh" his memory.

Click on the picture above to see it at full-size to read her note.

My SIL, "J," advised me to talk to the social worker on call, which I did. Everything seems to be going as planned.


I really dreaded today because I would be alone with Dad. DH had to go to work and my son went camping. I just knew he would ask me over and over about calling or visiting her in the hospital. Things went pretty good.. We talked about his siblings and we talked a lot. Everything went well right until 3:45 when he asked again to see Ma and that he would start walking if I didn't take him. I must admit, I panicked a little. I called DH to let him know. Then I got an idea and called my SIL in Texas. I asked her to please talk to him and keep him occupied while DH was on his way home. That went well. It is a little tricky and nerve-wracking to keep him calmed down.

We received a call from the nurse at Maui Memorial who talked to DH for a while. I guess Ma had given her her "pitiful story." Apparently she has been calling my SIL "K," thinking that her son was home. She left messages to tell Dad to call her at the hospital. That is her MO. She drags him in and they conspire a plan, and they feed off of each other. But then, maybe only a half hour later, she gets irritated with him and wants to leave him.

Later on his other daughter from Oahu called but he had gone to bed already. We have to write things down in his journal, so that he knows that his kids really do call. So today went well.

Peace?

I was looking for some real peace and quiet today but that just didn't happen. Even though she was not physically here, Dad kept on bugging me that he wanted to call her and if we were all going to visit her tonight. She called once and she sounded calm, stable and even normal. I let her talk to him just to satisfy his "hunger" a bit but he soon forgot that she even called and thought I was lying to him.

This is not good. I am going to have to call Kaiser and get some meds to calm him down because I have a mean feeling that he is not going to take this calmly.

We disconnected all the phones except for the upstairs ones. But when someone calls, it will pop up on our TV screen. So we saw the hospital number pop up. I ran upstairs, but she already hung up and didn't leave a message.

Well, the phone rang once more and this time I picked it up. In the sweetest voice she could muster, she told me that she was getting discharged tomorrow and if I could pick her up. I was so caught by surprise, because I thought she just wanted to talk to Dad. I immediately said, "No." I then told her to hang on, got DH, and we both were literally dumbfounded, as we didn't know what to tell her. How could one human being hold such power over someone? Only if we let them. Aargghh!

We immediately began to look at our options. We would have to rehearse what we would say to her. Shortly after that, my SIL, K, called me and she said that Ma left 2 messages on her phone. While I was talking to her on her cell, we both heard her call once more. This time she said the hospital was "making arrangements to get a cab and this time she is bringing the police." Oh my gosh.

I immediately called the nurses' station to let them know that under NO circumstances were they to discharge her. She would be placed into a nursing home straight from the hospital. We have to really think this out.

In the Hospital

First thing this morning, Dad told me that Ma wanted to go to the doctor. The earliest appointment was at noon. She insisted that she wanted to go now, just like she was, in her nightgown. I asked her if she wanted to go to the ER, but no, she wanted to go to Kaiser. She had a hard time breathing and her chest hurt. I texted some prayer requests for Ma to our pastor: "Please pray. She can't breathe." 

When we got to the clinic, they put her on a monitor. Her oxygen level was fine but her blood pressure was way up. So, we waited and waited. Half the time I was on the phone reporting to the siblings, talking to the social worker to figure out what to do. She is still pushing to get her placed into a nursing home, preferably straight from the hospital.

Finally around noon, they said they were going to admit her to the hospital just for observation. Dad and I had lunch and then I decided to take him to the bank and at least report her debit card missing. They were not very helpful with that. We really need to get their finances in order.

At around 4, I received a phone call from the heart specialist and she said that she has some kind of heart failures. That is all she said and she was going to have to stay in the hospital to find out more. We all agree that this is not a thing to tell Dad now. I don't think he could handle it with his Alzheimer's. So we wait to see how this unfolds.

3 Monkey Wrenches

Three factors came into play today. First of all, there was an old bill that came in the mail from Texas. Of course, my MIL blew a gasket and pretty much worked herself into a frenzy.

The second one was the fact that Dad was running out of his meds and to fill his prescription would cost $800 for the first 90 days! It has something to do with him being on "level 2," which is a level that is set by Medicare. You stay in this stage until your "out-of-pocket costs"reach a total of $4,550. They both tell me they can't afford it.

The third  problem is that she has lost her debit card. It's been over two weeks now and she needs to report that it's missing. I'm not going into details on these three issues as I've hashed them over and over in my mind all day today. DH tells me, "You've been relieved of financial duty." All we are here for is food & shelter, and taking her to the doctor. Remember, we have to live with these people! I did write her doctor about the prescription issue. 

Another Day of Ups & Downs

Sunday was nice. We had a party for our son and everything went pretty much fine and uneventful, except for the fact that she didn't want to eat again. We made her a nice plate of bbq chicken, corn and potato salad, and she didn't want to eat.

Today she woke up and said she couldn't sleep because her pelvis was hurting again, so she took her "sleeping pills" and she still felt "whoosy." She was referring to the vicodin and she told my FIL that she took a whole one. I thought to myself, Oh boy, she is still taking them.

Right before lunch (at 2pm), she told my FIL that she wanted to go to the doctor. I asked her what was wrong, and she replied that she has a hard time breathing again. I told her that it was probably from not getting enough exercise and how she needed to walk around. She is a good actress and you'd think she was dying. But to my surprise, she got her walker and proceeded to walk around the house with it.

After talking to DH he advised me to ask her if she wanted me to make an appointment, either today or tomorrow, OR if she would rather go to the ER. She said, "No, let me try and walk around first." Great idea!

Only 5 minutes later, she said she was feeling better. But no sooner, we had one problem solved, another one rose. This one came in the form of a bill that she owed while being in Texas, way back in November. Of course she worked herself up into a frenzy again, talking about the fact that if they sued her, she will be counter-suing them. Hopefully by tomorrow or in the next few days she'll have forgotten all about it.

I checked with my social worker just to see what the status was on her nursing home placement. All the paperwork has been submitted. We just have to wait for Medicaid to accept the application and the nursing home to accept her. Please pray for favor and for this to all go through smooth and speedy.

Up & Down, like a Merry-Go-Round

I know it's been a few days that I have skipped, but let me tell you, life's been up and down again. Thursday, (Aug 12), I took her to the interview like she wanted. It went pretty sketchy. She didn't have any of the application done, and the lady just patiently asked her for all the information as she filled it out for her. My BIL had picked Dad up because the day before she decided that "they couldn't live together."

Well, she insisted that he be there. So, he got dropped off and I went to do some errands (picked up the police reports and left copies of them at the Dr.'s office). All the way home the conversation was all about what they needed to buy and need for the apartment. So, it was on again (the apartment, that is).

Inside I was still angry at her. She asked me if I was going to give them good references. I paused. "I'm going to tell the truth," I said, and left it at that. She then asked if I was happy for them. I wasn't. I was angry. This entire thing was getting overwhelming. I remember staring at my computer that night, feeling like I was going to break inside. I just wanted to cry. But then I remembered that I had a choice to make. I had to pick myself up by the bootstraps and say NO to all those feelings. I chose to NOT partner with anger, frustration, offense, etc. That was the best thing I did all day.

The following day, Friday, my FIL called me inside and said that Ma had a hard time breathing. So I propped her up with several pillows. She has not been eating very much. In fact, she is hardly eating anything at all. That evening I made dinner and she said she already ate dinner. I don't know what she could have eaten. It's been like this now for the last 3 or 4 days. I am also wondering if she is even taking her medicine. She is starting to forget a lot and repeat herself just like Dad. Several times she asked the same question and I even told her that "this is the THIRD time I'm telling you blah, blah, blah."

Well today is Saturday and she had another meltdown. She couldn't breathe. We propped her up on the bed and told her that it was because of the way she has been living: no exercise. All she did was watch TV and call Dad to get her her things. She then started complaining about Dad. She wanted DH to call her daughter and she wanted to go back "home" to Ewa Beach. So, DH left a message on J's phone, he prayed with Ma. He called his brother (K) and he prayed with her too.  He then put Dad on the phone so he could hear it from him WHY he couldn't live with him.

Then Ma lost her bag and started blaming everyone. DH found it under the bed and she felt really bad and started breaking down. She started saying it was because of him and her dementia, the pressures of life. She was losing it. That was the first time she admitted that she had dementia and that she was losing it. After calming her down with the hope of getting her her "fantasy dream," she was all-rght and then there was peace.

I did hear from her PCP (Primary Care Physician). I've been keeping him up to date on what's been happening with her. All he said was "management is going to be an increasingly difficult issue. I would suggest expediting long-term care if possible."

More Drama

This morning started off with a bang because I heard them arguing in the room. I had made Ma her coffee and told Dad to take it in the room. He decided to call her out into the kitchen because he "wanted her to come out." I knew that was going to be trouble. So I told him, "No," take the coffee in the room. I asked my SIL to call Ma on her cell phone to try to calm her down. She was complaining that "her pelvis is broken and she can't walk. She's dying and she can't breathe."
She talked to my SIL and decided that the coffee tasted "funny," so Dad gave her some cocoa. Let me back up a bit. A few nights ago, Dad had kneed her in the pelvis during the night. He didn't mean to. He just has these weird dreams and thinks he's fighting someone in the dream. That was what caused her to decide that they "can't live together."

I asked her if she wanted to eat breakfast because she hardly ate anything the day before. She didn't eat the oatmeal I made; she had leftover pancake for lunch and she didn't eat the dinner I made last night. She didn't want anything but she did want to go to the doctor. But she didn't want her usual doctor, she wanted a woman doctor. Fine. I called Kaiser and made an appointment. She is still insisting that she can't walk so my DH is coming home to help me get her in the car.

So it turns out that her pelvic area is bruised. She got a prescription for vicoden. Hope it doesn't make her too grumpy!

Cabin Fever

So... we had another episode with Ma. She apparently had an appointment today at 9 for an interview with Lokenani Hale, an housing unit for the elderly. Nobody wanted to take her because all we could see it ending up in another cycle like it did with their previous apartment. Tenants here need to be independent, and we all knew that they can't be. After she found out I wouldn't take her, she decided to "walk" to Wailuku. Here we go again.
I called hubby and my BIL to let them know what she was planning and she even told someone that she would "hitchhike."

I called the social worker, the doctor, nobody was there. I finally ended up calling 911 again because I did not know what to do. I did not want my MIL walking out there because she is not stable. The last time she did that (1 week ago), she collapsed on the corner of the highway.  

After a very lengthy ordeal with the medics, the police and talking to her Dr. on the phone, the Dr. suggested, "Why not let her move on a trial basis, but without my FIL." So, we mentioned that to Ma & Dad and she wants Dad with her. I couldn't see the logic in it, so I started to protest. But then DH had a great idea. Why not let them both move in, on a trial basis, and I know sooner or later she won't want him around, and then we'll just move him out. That seems to be the only plan we have now besides getting the paperwork ready for a nursing home for her. Maybe by the time she gets tired of this place, she will be able to get placed in the nursing home. So, Thursday morning she has an appointment. Stay tuned.

Lonely People

August 7 & 8 ~ She seems to be suffering from allergies as she's taking claritin for both of these days. I don't think the claritin makes her drowsy, but she has been sleeping every day during the day.

All the while Dad complains that she doesn't like him, he's not wanted, etc. So he just sits on the deck by himself and falls asleep. Or he plays solitaire by himself. I feel sorry for him. He's such a lonely man.

Last night (Aug 8th) Tommy and I took turns playing cards with him. As he is playing, he is constantly having to recall the rules of the game. He gets confused easily and has a hard time focusing on what's going on. So Tommy played trumps with him which is a game he is very familiar with. Dad called the trump and he kept forgetting what it was. Later on I played a new game with him: Gin. It is my intention to try to keep him engaged in activities where he really has to focus and challenge his thinking.

It was while we were playing Gin that Mom came out to use the bathroom. Now mind you, she had been sleeping all day. She doesn't want him around her, but yet she gets jealous of me when I am reading to him, playing cards with him, making him breakfast, etc. So anyway, she came out of the bathroom and Dad asked if she was hungry. She totally ignored him, went back into her room, and turned the TV on really loud. It was already almost 10 pm. She just did that out of spite. Our son Ryan was not feeling good and was asleep in his room, kitty-corner from them. My DH had to tell her to turn it down.

This morning (Aug 9th) we found Dad on the couch. Not sure how long he had been there. But Mom came out shortly after, crying and wanting to talk to both me and DH privately. She said Dad kicked her in her pelvis during the night while he was sleeping. She said "she can't handle it any longer; she can't live with that man." We both assured her we were working on a plan.


DH called his brother to pick Dad up to get her away from her. In the meantime she called her daughter on Oahu to see if she could live with her. Of course, that's not going to happen. We are learning to just observe and watch things unfold. We are hoping that this will be a smooth transition.

All Quiet on the Western Front

We've had a few good days since Tuesday. She's been on the Xanex every day and it has evened her out a bit. In the meantime, we've started getting ready for a nursing home for her and getting all the paperwork ready. The medicaid application went out on Tuesday and we are looking at placing her at Hale Makua. And that is really dependent on the fact that she behaves or not.

We really want to give her another chance but she has to understand that she isn't able to manage things as she used to. Her dementia seems to be getting worse. Of course she is not getting any medicine for it since she is in denial that she even has it.

In the meantime, she was looking for a place to move. She got an application for Lokenani Hale, which is a place for the elderly, but they must be independent. In other words, they must be able to think for themselves. We are just watching to see how she will handle this. They would be smart to get with her doctor to make sure she is capable of living on her own. We shall see how much she can do by herself. We are letting her fill out the application all by herself, figure out how she wants to move there, etc. etc. All these things will have to take its course and we understand that we can't enable her any longer by helping her move. But we have decided that Dad is better off with us.

We still have to have a meeting with the doctor who is going to let them know that they are incapable of living independently, much less, taking care of their finances. We aren't sure how she will respond to that. Most likely she will not believe him and will want to switch doctors. We just need to let it run its course and eventually she will run out of options.

Game Day

Today was the first day that I have seen Mom & Dad being "normal." I think it was a combination of her meds and also her trying harder. In fact, I really think she tried hard and went out of her way displaying gratitude and respect.

It started after breakfast while I was cleaning up our son's room. He is coming back tomorrow night, so I was getting his room. Mom went into her room to watch TV like she usually does, but the cable was down. Then I just casually asked her what kind of games she liked. I mentioned that I wanted to look for some games that will maybe help Dad "exercise his brain."

Everything went well. I offered to do their  laundry, which she accepted. A few minutes later, they were both at the table playing checkers. This was probably around 9 a.m. I thought I'd look in our closet to see if there were any other games that they could play. I found a box of dominoes, and before long, they were well into their game. Throughout both of the games, she was being extra patient with Dad, going over the rules over and over, because he kept forgetting. Finally, I could hear her getting a bit frustrated and around 3 she said that was their last game because he was giving her a headache. I was surprised she lasted THAT long. In fact, this was the first time since they've been with us that they spent that much time together!

So the dominoes ended, and I expected her to go back into the room and watch TV. But when I came back downstairs, I found them playing cards together! Wow. This lasted until 5 pm, right before DH came home.

We are going to observe and see how things go. We're taking it one day at a time. We shall see.

Finally... Peace!

Well, today (August 3) we got to test the medicine out for my MIL. You have to ground this pill up into a powder and then add it to a dessert or apple sauce. It is supposed to relax them. I just couldn't imagine myself doing this. You only hear about this in fairy tales or horror movies! Both my inlaws had just gotten up, and DH texted me: "Spike her coffee." Oh my gosh! How could I do that? I soon figured out a way. She had made both their coffee and went into her room. Okay, I thought; it's now or never. So I distracted my FIL and quickly slipped the powder into her coffee. She decided she wanted toast for breakfast and dunk it in her coffee. Perfect, I thought. So, I went back to work on my computer, but listened intently to their conversation.

Within 15 minutes, I could hear her giggling. Oh my gosh, it's working, I thought! Normally, when my FIL asks her to join him on the deck, she refuses. For some reason she doesn't like to sit in the sun. But this time, she said, "OK! I'll get my crochet stuff." Soon they were chattering and laughing and carrying on a normal conversation. Wow! I thought. It's working!

The rest of the day went smoothly. I got to work out, do some errands, had lunch with DH. And when I came home, she was sleeping like a baby. In fact, they both ended up sleeping the afternoon. So far, so good.

Tonight we played cards and we all had a lot of fun. So, it looks like there's a light at the end of this tunnel. Thank you, Jesus!

Breaking Point

Today (August 2) was the straw that broke the camel's back. The whole scenario started all over again with the accusations. I decided that I needed to go to the bank with my brother in law to get our POA documents in order for their account. That went well. In fact, I learned that this is a common thing with dementia. Apparently they really get fearful and suspicious. So that got taken care of.

In the meantime, DH (dear husband) had called my MIL to tell her to stop accusing me of something I didn't do, and if she didn't change her attitude, they had to move out. Well, she only heard the last part. So by the time my BIL and I got to the house, she was already having a meltdown. Now she was yelling at my BIL AND me, and my BIL told me to call 911 to say we have a situation on our hands. While I was with them on the phone, the 911 operator heard everything: My MIL screaming and throwing things. At one point she broke a table and picked up a metal rod and started whacking things with it. So the ambulance came, the police came, and we filed a police report. I had strict instructions from DH not to get in her way, don't turn my back on her, walk away from her if she tried to engage in a conversation. (She is combative and gets violent). The policeman even told me to put any knives up high where she couldn't reach them.

So I thought everything was fine. I saw her go into the kitchen and I was on the phone making flight reservations for my son to come home.
About 3 in the afternoon I got a call from the bank to let me know that they need a letter from the Dr. I said, Okay. She then told me that my MIL was just there. Now I don't know how she got there but of course that sent my FIL in a panic and he ended up calling 911. My BIL found her shortly after. Wow! That's two phonecalls to 911 on the same day!

The Dr. did have a temporary solution: Put her on some meds and get the medicaid application filled out so we can place her in a home. So.. that's where we're at right now. Stay tuned. 

God is Good!!

July 31, 2010

God is so good! But I need to start at the beginning. Today started out okay. Asked her what she wanted for breakfast, eggs or pancakes; she replied, "Pancakes." But I should have known something was up when she said someone was taking money out of her account.

We had breakfast together and I thought things were fine. Today had been 4 days since I had not worked on a newsletter which was due soon. So I sat down and proceeded to work on that. After about a half an hour, she came out, all dressed up with purse in hand and asked if I could take her to the bank. Now, mind you, I was "relieved" of all of her financial business yesterday. So, per my husband, I told her, "I'm sorry. I can't. I have to catch up on my work." When she saw that I was serious, she said, "Well, then I'll walk."

Fine, I thought. I doubted she would do that. So, needless to say, that got my FIL stirred up. The next thing I know, she was talking to him very loudly and then approached me and said that I had been taking money out of her account. She even went as far as saying that my SIL told her that I was the one that was taking money out of her account. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! It soon evolved into a continuation of where we left off yesterday. In fact, it got really ugly. I quickly called my husband and SIL and let them know what was going on. My husband told me to get my BIL to get Dad out of here again.

I handed the phone to her so she could talk to my husband. She thought she was going to get an agreement from him with her accusation. When he told her she was having an "episode," it stopped her right in her tracks. She didn't know what to say. My SIL called later also to tell her she was wrong.

To make a long story short, the whole ordeal lasted about 2 hours, with my BIL finally taking my FIL away. That was the best thing that happened, and we learned an important lesson today.

About a half hour passed and all of a sudden, she came back in the room again. She called my name and I thought, Oh no, she wants me to go take her to the bank again. But this time it was different. She told me, "I need to apologize to you." She then went on to tell me that she was sorry to get all upset about this whole thing.
I went up to her and gave her a big hug, and said, "It's going to be okay." I am still amazed at what happened.

My husband is smart! He thought of this all by himself. What I mean is, by separating them, she could not have that agreement with my FIL. And without that power of agreement, that cleared the atmosphere for God to speak to her. It is an amazing example of what power we've been given. So...looks like we're back on track.

A Very Interesting Day

Today actually had its beginnings yesterday when I cautioned my MIL that she didn't have much in her checking account. She didn't believe me and continued shopping. I decided to watch them "afar off" as they checked out at Walmart, and of course, her debit card didn't go through. They held up the line for a good 15 minutes and I'm not really sure how she ended up paying after that.

Today, I printed out the online statement to show her, and she got really mad. She accused me of sticking my nose in something that wasn't any of my business. Well, the point that I have POA for medical AND financial doesn't seem to matter a lot right now. I politely replied, "I'm only looking out for you."

More ranting and raving followed, anger, anger everywhere. She threatened to move out, yelled at my FIL, etc. etc. When my SIL called her and suggested she may want to call her bank and check what her balance was, of course, it turned out that it was as I said. My FIL got whisked away by my BIL and I decided it was OK to do my normal "thing" which was going to Curves and then my Friday shopping.

Where am I going with this? I guess I am just venting. I know by tomorrow, she'll have forgotten everything that happened today. Oh.. this is NOT a normal day in my abnormal world. But, what can I say? I know this too shall pass.

Life's a Journey ~ Enjoy the Ride

My inlaws have been with us now from Thanksgiving 2009. It has been 8 months. They pretty much just "showed up on our doorstep" on Thanksgiving Day. Something like that. No, really, they were supposed to let us know they were coming, but we heard the news through the grapevine. It was definitely not planned and it was definitely NOT something I would wish on anyone.

I have started this blog to document their time with us: The changes, the lessons we've learned, the challenges, etc., so we can all learn from this experience.

My father-in-law has Alzheimer's. My mother-in-law is a diabetic and also has a bit of dimentia. My father in law, Steve, is a pretty mellow guy. He loves little witty sayings and loves to joke around. Much to the chagrin of my MIL, Connie, who is a lot more serious. I am learning that you can't reason with people that have dementia. You'll only run yourself ragged. And as much as it has been a challenge to both of us, both my husband and I have learned a lot about each other through these past months.

So hopefully you will enjoy this journey with us.

View Dad's Memory Book here.